Top Ten Scariest Financial Products

Brent Pittman —  10/16/2014

In honor of Halloween, I’ve made a top ten list of the Scariest Financial Products. Mind you this is my list and using these products could be dangerous to your financial health.

Coffee Art: Skull

Are you scared yet?

  1. Viatical Settlement– Care to make some money on someone’s death? Buy a viatical and you get the leftovers from their life insurance policy. Basically you get more money if they die early. How morbid!
  2. Gold Futures– Want to loose sleep for 3 months and become a walking zombie? Investing in gold isn’t a great idea, but gold futures are one the riskiest investments around. Play this game and you could loose your sleep and your shirt!
  3. Zombie Insurance– Need protection against the undead? Look no further…ok this one is a gag, but great idea!
  4. A.R.M.- Want to loose your arm, a leg, and your house? Well, these Adjustable Rate Mortgages will scare the life out of you when the interest rate adjusts beyond your paycheck. Be sure to get a fixed rate mortgage and avoid loosing your body parts.
  5. Post Apocalyptic Insurance– Think you’ll need to eat after the apocalypse happens? There is a solution: Food insurance.  I find it funny that all the pictures on the website are of smiling people.Wipe that smile off your face! The earth is destroyed and almost everyone is dead, but smile because you bought food insurance and you’ll live to see another day.
  6. Whole Life Insurance– This product is scary indeed, especially with all the low cost of term life insurance. You might roll over in your grave when you realize your whole life insurance policy was terrible and you could have bought much better coverage for a cheaper price.
  7. Pay Day Loans– The interest rates you’ll be charged will make you think they are bleeding you to death.
  8. 401K Debit Card– You’ve been saving for retirement for years now. Great….now can I get a card that lets me spend all that money I’ve been saving and investing? What? I have to pay it back with interest? When I leave my job I have to pay it back in full ASAP or I’ll get charged huge tax fees? Yes! This little piece of plastic could make your retirement years a living hell. You’ve been warned.
  9. Any insurance company whose main mascot is a lizard or duck….these talking animals just creep me out. (Some of their products are legit and some are unnecessary)
  10. Tax rates when I “retire“- O.K. this isn’t a financial product, but who knows how high our tax rates will be in 30 years? This one is the most frightening of them all, especially since our national debt keeps growing.
(Photo by Alice Carrier )

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Brent Pittman

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Brent is a financial coach and writer looking for the perfect donut. He believes personal finance should be both fun and accessible to anyone willing to learn.
  • Where can I sign up to be a zombie insurance salesman? That would be a pretty sweet business card to hand around at parties.

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  • krantcents

    Not all ARMs are equal. I considered an ARM when I was going to refinance. I expected to pay off y loan in less than 5 years, so it was a low risk loan.

  • Travis Pizel

    While an ARM can be a scary product, it can also work to your advantage. We have an ARM, and while we originally got it during the housing boom as part of our bank’s efforts to “get as much house as we could,” we have kept it even though we could refinance. the interest rate is crazy low compared to the fixed rates and it has done nothing but adjusted DOWN in the 10 years we’ve had it. that being said, interest rates are bit on the rise, and it may be time to lock in….

    • It has been a bit of an odd spell with the lower adjusting rates, but I believe those days are over. I agree locking in soon might prove very insightful.

    • I wish we would have gotten an ARM for our first home. We were only there for a few years, and we knew we wouldn’t be there forever when we bought it. We could’ve had a lower rate while we were living there, but oh well – it wasn’t a colossal mistake.

  • maria@moneyprinciple

    Some of these are hilarious – food insurance? Strange! Have a good Halloween anyway (I am hiding in my house).

    • We’ll be taking the boy out to knock on a few doors.

  • Good post Brent!

  • Thanks for stopping by!

  • Lance

    Hey Brent!

    Just thought I’d drop in and say hello! I’ve enjoyed reading through some of your posts! Hope all is well with you!